She stared intently at the screen as the words scrolled by. Not taking anything in really, more so just trying to distract her self. Going in to the chats late at night normally offered some reprieve from her insomnia providing her with humor or a good debate. This night was different though, when she hopped in to the chat room there had been a discussion that made her insides churn going on.
Bubblegumhottie86: How do you love someone who broke you?
MrSChilady: You mean broke your heart or broke you mentally?
Bubblegumhottie86: Both? Either?
Fun2run78: How can you break someone?
Bubblegumhottie86: Easily - they give up what makes them independent or an individual to become yours, only you don't see it or want it, or miss use it where you break them emotionally.
Fingers had been tugging at the steel about her neck as the conversation rolled on past that, but those first few lines stayed with her. Lingering in the back of her mind like a kid kicking around a tin can in idle thought. Was she broken? Some might say so. Her chest ached at the thought and she pulled the laptop closed. Unable to let go of the discussion or the feelings it caused her she slid the laptop to the couch next to her, staring at the black screen of the tv in thought. Maybe a book would help her tonight.
She eyed the bookshelf from where she sat, considering the titles from a distance. Was reading really better right now? The countless titles that lined the shelves carefully organized had similar themes one might argue of being "broken" emotionally in some way. Her favorite series had it as an on going theme with the way love triangles played out. Someone was always broken emotionally as well as their heart - but in those stories someone else had always been in the wings, waiting to catch the other person. Vigilantly there to help put them back together so that they didn't have to try to love the person who broke them anymore - least not in the same way.
Yep. No point. Her hand pulling on the steel collar in frustration and sadness. She didn't want it there yet wanted it there, she didn't want to love him yet she did love him. She wanted to launch him in to the sun on a nucular war head with extra amounts of C4 as good measure, but she wanted his arms around her with his voice telling her it would be okay, that he loved her and was sorry.
There was no having your cake and eating it too. It was more like having your cake shoved unconsensually down your throat when you were sick with strep and unable to say no. Yep, that about sums it up - eyes rolled as she thought to her self with a groan head flopping back against the sofa pillows. She pulled her laptop back in to her lap and opened it, letting it take its time as it woke back up so she might return to the chat room.
Maybe they had finally moved on from the topic that hit so close to home. And maybe pigs came in shades of turquoise and sang french lullaby's.
Bubblegumhottie86: I guess I was hoping to know if anyone had been able to move on with the person who had broken them and find a happily ever after..
No rest for the wicked, or for the broken hearted.
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